What could have been?

by Mary Mudge Bunzey

For Jeffrey Thomas Mudge and Jennifer Grace Mudge

The thing that comes to mind when asked about my siblings who have died is what could have been? What would have the future have held for us, would we have had a close relationship that flourished over the years? Would we call each other every week to share stories and antidotes of our life? Would we get together with our families at the beach? We will never know. What I do know is they are missed, they were loved and they were gone too soon. When they died it fundamentally changed the structure of our family and the lives of all who knew them. The question of what the world would have been like for everyone who knew and loved them if they had not died is a question that will forever remain unanswered.

Jeffrey Thomas MudgeMy brother died when I was a teenager and I did not get to know him on an adult to adult level. We never got past the kid sister phase in our relationship. The talks we had were limited by the age difference at the time. I know we could have been friends as adults as we seem to share a lot of the same artistic sensibilities. I am sorry for all the things he missed: my wedding to a wonderful man, our son-his nephew, meeting our half-sister who is a wonderful fantastic person, also, all the innovations in technology that he would have loved as they open up artistic expression to a whole new level and the growth and acceptance of the arts that he loved. Jeff would have gotten such a kick out of his nephew- he followed his Uncles footsteps into theatre and I have to believe that they would have been fast friends.

Jennifer Grace MudgeMy sister died when I was older, had a family and was already established as a person who had lost a sibling too early. Shouldn’t there be a limit of one sibling you lost per 50 years of so of life? Jenny and my relationship was multi layered and complex. When we were younger she was my go to person for advice and support. She got to see me get married to my wonderful husband and she got to meet her nephew and loved him dearly. When we got older she was plagued by many issues and was in the process of working through them. I believe she would have come through it all and regained her love of life. I regret that she did not get to finish working through her issues. I know she would have loved to see the person her nephew has grown into.

I smile when I think of them, having been blessed for the short time they were here. I feel sad for those who never met them. I share in the joy of their lives with everyone they touched.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *